A year before five decades of life, here I am reflecting on my four and nine.
The following four letters frame my journey onwards. It started with the initials of my family D.EA.R. Now it serves a guide light.
Dream. Engage. Achieve. Reflect.
Its intersections were plotted data points in the space of my timeline. Just so below:
- Gave up the dream to be a mother but achieve a beautiful daughter
- Education was and still my playground for trial and error. When I went back teaching college, 10/40 was the standard pass with either 3.0 or 5.0. When I went back to study, I would really like to learn further.
- With my daughter’s life long condition of being in spectrum, I was forced to a life of understanding. Suddenly, I refuse to see competition but community. That my student kids are help to learn from and work is a calm place to breathe.
- Mostly introverted, engaging isn’t energy efficient and socializing by proving oneself is unnecessary in a secured environment.
- Reflecting on my daughter’s need for a lifetime support, we founded a therapy center for neurodiverse kids. Still small and surviving. But, still showing up despite the odds is a great deal of achievement.
- Experienced travel alone overseas and living away from our family’s queen is difficult but necessary. She needs rest from a lost loved one and from my chaos.
- Reflecting on the community where my kid will thrive without us, I am really using my space to pay forward. Health is the only wealth we can provide. Engaging to the needs of kids with special needs and making medicine affordable can sustain the kind and kind of community I dream for my daughter.
- Engaging to karaoke to your heart’s desire is really fun. It is a voice over ‘pie’.
- Research seems to be my kryptonite. Demanding yet ungiving. The demand to produce output with less data and methodology to draw it from is forcing me to continue with self sustenance. Unlike ML with all the experiences and resources, excellent researchers and inputs, I have to work with the ‘misfits’ and still expected to beat those with silver spoon to be just given.
My melody is now, “I’m not hiding, now I’m shining. Like I am born to be…”
On to my golden years.
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